The Choices Teens Make

One of the blogs I read regularly, Webware, posted an article that I thought was interesting, titled “Survey: Teens ‘sext’ and post personal info.” It sums up a recent study of teenagers and digital behavior, particularly focused on cyberbullying and sexting. Some of the data quoted in the article that caught my attention:

59 percent of the teens say that posting personal information or photos on public blogs or social-networking sites is either “somewhat unsafe” or “very unsafe.” Only 7 percent say it’s “very safe,” while 34 percent say it’s “somewhat safe.” Yet, when asked about their own behavior, 62 percent of the kids post photos of themselves, 50 percent share their real age, 45 percent the name of their school, and 41 percent the city where they live. When it comes to more private information, only 4 percent post their address, 9 percent “places where you typically go,” and 14 percent post their cell phone number.

The study’s executive summary explains, “Though they are aware of the risks, many teens expose personal information about themselves online anyway.” [emphasis added]

Unfortunately, the article fails to really delve into this issue. Yes, it’s alarming that kids are posting information about themselves. Yes, it’s alarming that 20% of students are somehow involved in cyberbullying. Yes, it’s alarming that 20% of teens have sent or received a “sext.” What I don’t believe is that we are not more worried that kids are making choices that they know are bad ones. They understand that there might be a lot of negative consequences, but they choose to do these things anyway.

Has this kind of behavior from teens been going on for a while? Of course. Kids smoke and drink in spite of knowing both legal and physical consequences. Kids have sex despite knowing all the potential consequences. This has been going on for a very long time. What I don’t understand is why we are so alarmed about cyberbullying or sexting – why aren’t we worried about the underlying causes instead?

We can force kids to take health classes and tell them all about the dangers of smoking, drinking, and sex. We can force kids to take digital citizenship classes and tell them about the dangers of cyberbullying and sexting and sharing too much information. However, in spite of all this instruction, kids are going to choose those things anyway.

The question, then, must then become a deeper one: how do we teach kids to make good choices? We all have students that make bad choices. Some use drugs, some sleep around, some don’t turn in their work, some don’t study for tests. What is it that we can do as educators to move our students towards better decision making?

Normally, this is where I would start answering these questions. The problem is, I don’t have an answer. If I knew how to convince teenagers to make better choices, you would be reading my book and watching my lecture DVDs right now. But I wonder what thoughts others have on this difficult issue. How do we even begin to address this herculean problem?

The Road Not Taken

Right now, I’m reading a book called Little Big Minds: Sharing Philosophy with Kids, by Marietta McCarty. It’s a really cool book that essentially provides a course outline for the author’s philosophizing with children. I really like it so far (though it’s still early), but something irritated me as I read it having to do with the following poem:

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost              

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

I like Robert Frost. I think he was a great poet, and this poem is fantastic. And while he is considered one of the best-loved American poets, it doesn’t really seem to be for the right reasons. Little Big Minds falls into this problem of misinterpreting a great poem. Most people think this is a great, encouraging poem about making good coices and taking responsibility for one’s actions – this is how it is understood in the book.

Upon closer inspection, however, the poem isn’t really saying this. Look at lines 9-15, which tend to get ignored and forgotten. He says that both paths he wants to take look about the same – there’s really not a difference. In fact, he wants to go down both paths, but “knowing how way leads on to way,” he didn’t think he’d ever get the chance. So he picked one. And as he did, he knew that somewhere down the road, he’ll be telling everyone how he took the “road less travelled” and what a great decision that was, even though there wasn’t really any difference between the two. Essentially, this path that he chose will turn into a big-fish story – exaggerated beyond realism.

Maybe it’s just because I’m an English teacher and a poetry junkie, but it really bothers me when poems (especially poems and poets I like) are misinterpreted. Unfortunately, poetry (as with much of life) is all about perception – if you perceive that it’s about making good choices, then it is. Even if it isn’t.

 

On Happiness

Had an interesting conversation with some students today that got me thinking.  In discussing something, a couple of my students (9th grade boys) began saying that if they were like Jay-Z or Kobe Bryant, that they would be happy.  Given my natural tendency toward argument, I immediately put all else aside and pursued the discussion.  Essentially, they were arguing that they if they had three things, they knew they would be happy.  Those three things? Money, fame, and women.  They said if they had all of those, they would be happy. Naturally, I tried to argue against this, but to no avail.  I pointed to Deion Sanders’ book, “Power, Money, and Sex: How Success Almost Ruined My Life” (which is on my bookshelf) as an example of someone who had all of those things and still wasn’t happy.  They were absolutely adamant that they were right and I was wrong.  While both perturbed and disappointed at the time, the conversation got me thinking.  I wondered, first, what happiness actually consists of.  Without actually coming to an answer, I moved on to another question: am I happy?  If so, what is it that makes me happy?  I came to this conclusion:I am happy because I am both content and grateful for my lot in life.I concluded that, in my opinion, happiness is a mindset of contentment and thanksgiving for the situation in which I find myself.   Happiness is just a matter of loving whatever life throws at me – it’s a choice I make. It would be very easy for me to say, “If I had X, then I would be happy.”  But there are so many examples (like Deion’s) that point the other direction.  They all indicate that happiness comes from something else that isn’t material.  Some say it’s from religion, some say it’s just a matter of finding our purpose, and some say it’s just a matter of doing away with materialism.  Me? All I know is that I don’t need money, fame, and lots of women.  I have a job that, while not making me a lot of money, brings me great joy.  Though I am not famous and powerful, I am known by my family and my good friends, who are the only ones who I really need attention from anyway.  And I certainly don’t need a lot of women to make me happy, because I found one woman whose love I am privileged to share at profoundly deep levels. 

So do I know what happiness is?  Maybe, maybe not.  But do I know I’m happy?  Absolutely.  It’s impossible not to be happy if I love my life.

That said, you tell me:

What is happiness?  What does it mean to be happy?